


I’m Not Giving Up

by JustAHumanMachine



Category: Original Work
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, The fluff is mostly near the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25471513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAHumanMachine/pseuds/JustAHumanMachine
Summary: (I was having a bad week so I wrote a quick thingy with two of my ocs.)It’s a fairly routine checkup and everything is fine. At least, that’s what Tadashi says. He’s never been one admit when there’s a problem, and the guy’s on the verge of breaking down...





	I’m Not Giving Up

Tadashi fiddled with the broken pencil, the quiet ticking of the clock a steady rhythm in his mind. The room was clean, with light blue walls and a grandfather clock ticking in the corner, and a great wooden desk in front of him. Besides that, the room was empty. No, there was a folding chair facing the wall just on the corner of his vision. Makoto was leaning against it, propping himself up on the dented, painted stained metal, and an image popped into Tadashi’s mind of the doctor sending a patient as intimidating as his friend to sit in the time out chair.

Tadashi chuckled, then looked away. He didn’t like that empty chair. It seemed an opportune place for that red eyed shadow to reappaer, grinning with shark-like teeth as he stared at Tadashi with wide, hollow eyes. Makoto had assured him it wasn’t real, that the stranger couldn’t hurt him, but that hadn’t worked. That’s why he was sitting here now, waiting for the doctor, feeling helpless. There had been guards - Dr Eiyu was apparently also a high ranking official - and they had chained his hands and feet to the chair as a “precautionary measure.” Tadashi was already nervous about this. That hadn’t helped.

Makoto gave him a friendly pat on the back, glancing awkwardly at the restraints. “Man, what’s with all of this? I mean, I know you’ve got crazy fighting skills, but you’re not some psycho killer, are you?”

Tadashi chuckled, but he couldn’t answer that question honestly. He couldn’t even remember his name - Tadashi Karma was just something he made up on the spot - so for all he knew... well, he didn’t have any explanation for all those scars...

He smiled at Makoto, hoping he could trick his friend into thinking he was okay. Tadashi was stubborn, after all. That was how he’d turned so many enemies to his side - never giving up on them even in their worst moments. He said it was that believing in someone made them want to be something that deserved that kind of kindness. Everyone else had decided it was magic.

For a moment, it looked like Makoto saw through his facade, but the doctor arrived just as he was about to speak. She was small and had a sunny demeanor, but her arrival was flanked by another pair of guards, who headed for the back of the room, giving Tadashi suspicious glances. They positioned themselves on either side of Makoto - if they were trying to intimidate him, it wasn’t working - as the doctor sat down and pulled out some papers.

“Hello, Mr Karma. How are you doing today?”

Tadashi nervously glanced toward the back of the room. “I feel like this should be a bit more private.”

“You’re the one who brought your friend in here. Besides you know how crazy it is out there. I have to protect myself somehow.”

Tadashi pulled at the restraints. “By chaining me to a chair? I think I’m the one who needs protection right now.”

Dr Eiyu didn’t answer. She just flipped through her papers, adjusted her glasses, and said, “Mr Karma, could you tell me why you came here?”

As Tadashi explained what was happening, Makoto noticed his friend trying to maintain a sense of calm, keeping himself together even as it became very clear he was about to fall apart. Makoto felt... ashamed. Ashamed and stupid, for not realizing that his friend’s constant, stubborn good mood and faith in humanity was forced to the surface, for not thinking that running around with no clue who he was and no way to find out would have an effect on him, for not realizing how close he was to cracking open. I’ll have to do something, Makoto thought, even though he had no clue what would help or what to do.

But the meeting went well, as well as something can go when it starts with someone chained to a chair. It went well until Dr Eiyu said “This is very interesting. There’s no history of hallucinations anywhere in your file.”

Neither the guards nor the doctor paid heed to the way Tadashi’s head snapped up or the alertness in his demeanor. “I have a file?”

“Yes, all my patients have files.”

“I’m one of your patients.” There was no uncertainty in Tadashi’s voice. “You know who I am.”

Dr Eiyu looked up, saw the resolution in his eyes, and decided there was no point in lying. “Yes. Prior to the onset of your amnesia, you were one of my patients.”

Tadashi laughed, joy and relief flooding him. “Oh, this is great! Dr Eiyu, I’ve been looking for anyone who knows who I am. I don’t have any memories of this, please, tell me everything.”

The doctor gave him a cautious glance. “No.”

Silence. “What? Why not?”

“You can’t know that, Mr Karma. It’s classified information-“

“It’s my memory!” Tadashi yelled, cracks starting to appear in his demeanor. “Why on earth can’t - Why on earth won’t you tell me?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Mr Karma-“

“That’s not my name! You know that’s not my name!” Makoto could see the guards shifting, alert, hands on their weapons as Tadashi snapped at the doctor. “Is all this the reason you chained me up?”

There was visible fear in the doctor’s eyes. “Sir, please, calm down-“

“I don’t know what’s going on! Don’t tell me to calm down! Tell me who I am!”

The first thing that caught everyone’s attention was the sound of metal snapping. The sound hung in everyone’s ears, leaving them almost stunned, as they didn’t react when Tadashi leapt from his chair and began to strangle the doctor, knocking her to the ground. She cried in pain and Tadashi froze, guilt and regret filling his face. But it was only there for a second before the guards flung him off of the doctor and pinned him to the ground. Makoto was still frozen in shock until he saw one of them put the barrel of a gun against his head.

On instinct, Makoto tackled the guard. “Don’t hurt him!” He barked, trying to sound commanding and not terrified. “He’s not going to hurt anyone, it’s just a momentary outburst.” Both guards were glaring at him, and Makoto realized just how panicked he was. He composed himself and said “Look, let him up. Karma’s harmless.”

Slowly, the guard released Tadashi. He didn’t get up, instead remaining face down on the floor, as if he was unable or unwilling to move. Behind her desk, now a mess of papers that seemed out of place in such a sterile room, Dr Eiyu got to her feet, rubbing her neck. “That’s enough. Guards, take them out. I need to talk to my superiors about this...”

Makoto left, giving the guard behind him a glare, walking fast enough to not let the guard push him. Tadashi, who was being drug out by his collar, finally began to stumble to his feet, stopping in his tracks. “Dr Eiyu, please.” He sounded like he was close to tears. “I’m begging you, please, tell me who I am.”

The guard flung him out the door and slammed it shut behind him. Tadashi landed on the floor in a heap, then rushed to his feet and turned back to the door. “Wait, please!” He banged on the door, frantic, but with a sense of futility. They did not open the door. Tadashi kept banging on the door, hitting over and over, the sounded ringing like a death knell through the lobby, until Makoto realized he wasn’t trying to convince the doctor anymore. He was just hitting.

“Hey, Karma.” No response, no break in the pounding. “Karma, stop it.” The sound got louder. “She’s not going to open the door, I don’t know why you’re doing this.” There were two fist shaped dents in the metal door now. “Karma, you’re going to hurt yourself.” He kept hitting. “Karma?”

Tadashi yelled, guttaral and animal, and for a moment Makoto understood why the doctor and the guards had been scared of him. He was terrifying. Makoto had just never seen him lash out.

He hit the door one last time with a roar, then fell silent, his breathing heavy, slumped against the wall with hands shaking and splattered with his own blood. Tadashi stood there for a moment, shaking like he was about to explode, before he broke. A quiet sob escaped him, a sound of sheer hopelessness, and he seemed to fall further onto the wall, like his legs were barely holding him up.

“I don’t...” His words were so quiet and so despairing Makoto barely heard them. “I don’t know who I am...”

It was a weird moment of helplessness. Makoto was an intelligent man - he could solve any puzzle with ease, come up with plans on the fly, outwit anyone with the bad luck to cross him, and he had no idea what to do. So he did the only thing he could think of - he wordlessly grabbed Tadashi by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

Tadashi seemed frozen for a minute, then wrapped his arms in a tight grasp around Makoto like he was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth. Makoto felt rather than heard his sobbing as his companion completely broke down. For a minute neither of them said anything, and Makoto quietly ruffled Tadashi’s hair, hoping that could help at least a little. It seemed to make him relax a bit, the tension slowly unwinding from his shoulder and he seemed to sink further into his companion’s support.

“Kanashimi, I’m bleeding on your shirt...”

Of course that was the thing he was concerned about. “Are your hands okay?”

“They’re fine.”

“Are you okay?”

Silence. Then Tadashi sighed and said, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Karma, you just beat a metal door until your hands bled.”

He paused. “Well, I’m fine now.”

“Really?”

Tadashi didn’t respond. That was all the answer, all the admittance Makoto needed. He sighed. “Listen, Karma-“

“I’m the stubborn one.” He was trying to say it with conviction, but the cracks in his voice made that near impossible. “I’m the one who doesn’t quit, I’m the one who pushes through everything, I’m the one who will never just lay down and give up. I can handle this, Kanashimi.” Tadashi tried to pull away. Makoto just held him closer. “Kanashimi, let me go.”

“No. I know you’re stubborn. You never give up on anything or anyone. Half the people in our little band are the people they are now because you wouldn’t give up on them. Heck, you never gave up on me, and I was the worst for such a long time. But you’ve spent so long looking after everyone that you never did a thing for yourself.”

“Yeah, and I’m doing fine, Kanashimi.”

“Karma, I know you can see those dents in the door. Listen. I know you want to be strong for everyone. But it’s not strong to lock yourself in with a problem and refuse to ask for help. That’s just proud and stupid. Personally, I don’t think there’s a lot of things stronger than admitting weakness. So I wanted you to talk to us about this. We’re your friends, and when you fall down, we’re going to help you up.”

Makoto finally let Tadashi wriggle free, looking him dead in the eyes, still red from all the crying. “You may not know who you are, but I do. You’re Tadashi Karma and you’re a good man because that’s who you chose to be. That’s the truth, no matter who it turns out you were.”

Tadashi looked at the ground, his hand gripping the fabric over his heart, where tally marks that counted something unknown, something horrid, they had to be, were carved into his skin. So he finally asked the question that had been weighing on him like the world on his shoulders since he woke up with no clue who he was - “And what happens if I was a monster?”

“Then damn that monster. You’re not him anymore.”

Makoto was so certain and resolute that the determination in his voice made Tadashi crack a small smile. “You’re really determined to keep me around, aren’t you?”

Makoto gave Tadashi a pat on the back as the duo started to leave. “You never gave up on me, Tadashi. What makes you think I’m giving up on you?”

Tadashi raised an eyebrow as Makoto held open the door. “You just called me Tadashi.”

For the first time he could remember, Makoto blushed, turning a bright red even through his dark skin. “N-no, I didn’t.”

The life seemed to return to Tadashi as he teased his companion. “I’m pretty sure you did, Mister Last-Name-Basis-For-Everybody-Always-No-Exceptions.”

Makoto tried to pull his scarf over his face as he looked away. “It was a slip of the tongue.”

“Oh, so it’s a subconscious thing?” Tadashi leaned over to him, and Makoto wished he was a few inches taller so Tadashi’s grinning face wasn’t so close to his. “Do you have something you want to tell me, Kanashimi?”

As glad as he was to see his friend back to his usual self, Makoto wished he would go back to silence. “Come on, Makoto.” Tadashi put a hand on his shoulder and he felt himself freeze up. “Do you have a thing for me?”

“Shut up,” Makoto muttered, even though he knew there was no point.

Tadashi gasped lightheartedly. “So you do!”

“I never said that.”

“But you didn’t deny it. And it’s written all over your face anyway.”

“You are the worst annoyance I have ever had the misfortune of caring about.”

“But you do care about me.”

“I’m not denying that.”

On the long bus ride back to the base, the stars lit up the sky, reflected onto the ocean like they were held in a sphere of night, the pinpoints of light scattered across the sky, a serene wall of silence that separated them from the outside and the terrors of the day. Tadashi had spent almost an hour excitedly pointing out constellations, trying to convey the sense of wonder they brought him to his companion. Now he was asleep, leaning against Makoto’s shoulder, his companion’s jacket draped across him. It was so calm and peaceful, Makoto could almost forget what had happened mere hours ago. But he knew he couldn’t, for Tadashi’s sake. The others would have questions about what had happened, and he didn’t know what to tell them...

Absentmindedly, Makoto nuzzled Tadashi’s hair, and the still sleeping man snuggled up against him. Makoto felt a small smile creep to his face. “I’m not giving up on you.”


End file.
